Thursday, October 11, 2007
THIS IS THE FINAL COUNT DOWN BEFORE THE VERDICT.
i've been busy waiting to find out if the city council reapproves funding for my job. things have been up in the air. Which has been unnerving. Uhhh...In lue of the pills i've been requesting of late (last week i asked for speed, this week tranquilizers), O'lover has been administering daily vitamin B shots in my butt. or maybe i should call the horse shots "smooth liquid platinum" for this sad junkie. ahhhh... all this because i'm like a pair of blue jeans, really quite durable for many seasons and then a tiny tear becomes a ripping gaping hole that needs to be patched NOW because this is not the mid-nineties and sadly grunge is out. I'm definitely OVERTHINKING this.
We've been porking out this week. Sunday night Kirsten made us delicious split pea soup with a wild boar bone. Last night AJ brought us yumyum chili soup with a pork bone. and now i want bacon. oink.
Today i thought "i'm going to break a sweat" but during yoga i couldn't remember to breathe and when i took farmer running around memorial park i found myself leaning against a tree daydreaming without remembering having stopped for a break. but then sophie took me for a hike up Rock Canyon. we picked rose hips and almost got trampled by galloping horses ridden by people i was sure were celebrities. especially that handsome guy who stopped his horse and asked if we were ok after we had to dive into the bushes to preserve our lives.
despite all these diversions the upcoming verdict is always on my mind. have you ever CARED SO MUCH about something that you've considered converting...to Buddhism? is it valid to swap religions so you could CARE LESS? (not to knock buddhism with my naivety.) i'll be buddhist in my next life. but i suspect even then i will be a poor student of surrendering desire.
In the canyon we met my old relief society president from the oak hills singles ward. she asked how marriage was. (she's anxiously engaged.) i said it was AWESOME. and it's true. despite all my whining and my squeaky wheel tendencies. my life is peaceful. my home is peaceful. My O'lover is the only oil i'd go to war for. (and TamTam & Torin & H & G and Sabrina and Bito. ok i'd go to war for peeps. but not for oil 'cause walking and gardening is the bomb.) But would you go to war for art? like the ancient sumerians? no? Me neither. but i'd die for art. or without it.