Sunday, January 09, 2011

On Mothering

People ask all the time how the mothering is coming along. Um, I LOVE IT! I'm tired! The love feels both familiar and foreign. But no matter how forewarned i had no clue what TIRED was until mothering. I got through December on the wings of eggnog. And the months before that? how did we get by? Mercy.

My heart feels like it has exploded open. I am changing. All summer while Ollie was seeing spiders i saw crickets jumping at us from everywhere. (no, the eggnog wasn't spiked, dear reader, notice what animals you see the most and look up their symbolic meanings.) Mothering makes you EVOLVE. and when i feel small and scared at having my heart so open, there are about ten people who coach me through the adoption/mothering journey. Sus is the biggest support. She listens and SUPPORTS. Ezra and I are very lucky for all the kind and wise souls who nurture us. (Thanks nona, nina, grammie. your love and baby tending is of the highest caliber!)

Adoption/mothering...i was so naive! and certainly still am naive. I am learning and feeling humbled every day.

Before ezra was born i would cry at the thought of his feelings ever getting hurt. May his life be wondrous, beautiful, and EASY. I hang onto what Ollie tells me, Give Ezra the space to be strong.
I thought I would have tons of rules, no tv, no sugar, etc. like how i was raised. It turns out we have guidelines instead of rules. Ezra has seen Jennifer Grey dance A LOT on Dancing with the Stars. And has been patient while i signed up on to vote for her. And he enjoys ice cream. My guideline that has held steady? I am so HAPPY when he wakes up in the morning and from naps! I've waited so long for him--when he opens his eyes the happiness and joy is immediate. (Except for in the middle of the night, when my eyes are slits.)

These photos are from yesterday's visit with Rachel and the girls.
Mothering is amazing.
A toast to ALL mothers by every name (custodial, birth, natural, bio, adoptive) everywhere!